


seal upon your heart (seal upon your arm)

by milfbyers



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Sad Joyce Byers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27276871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milfbyers/pseuds/milfbyers
Summary: joyce spends sunday afternoons with lonnie and his family after church
Relationships: Joyce Byers/Lonnie Byers
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	seal upon your heart (seal upon your arm)

the room was bustling and loud. forks and knives scraping against plates mixed with loud barks of laughter that held no real joy and conversations that made joyce’s skin crawl if she listened for too long. lonnie sat seated, hunched over and grumbling something to his mother across the table, to her left and jonathan sat on her right knee as he scooped spoonful after spoonful of macaroni and cheese into his mouth.

church had just ended and joyce was spending another sunday afternoon at lunch with lonnie’s family. another sunday forced into a religion that felt dangerous to her rather than rescuing. everything about the church was suffocating to her. it was a necklace too heavy around her neck, a dress too scratchy against her skin and a family too judgmental to truly settle into. 

those four walls had never felt welcoming to her. she was not at home when the choir sang and she gave little worry about the threat of eternal damnation from the preacher in the front of the room. this religion was forced down her throat. it was tied to the ring on her left hand, a promise to her husband and to ‘god’. the title of ‘christian’ was just as important to hawkins as her other title of ‘lonnie’s wife’ (if only she could shake the word ‘crazy’ from in front of it).

the cross necklace lonnie’s mother had gifted her last month for christmas sat delicately against her collarbones. she had tried to tuck it into her dress, to slip it past the blue fabric and let it hide against the warmth of her skin but lonnie caught her. when they sat down in the pew next to his brother, his hand slid up her arm, gripping her bicep a little too tight to not worry about bruises later, and she tensed for the whisper in her ear. “pull the necklace out now, joyce” his voice was low and scratchy and joyce could smell the liquor from the flask tucked in his pocket on his breath.

his confrontation didn’t last long. it never did and she lifted her hand away from jonathan’s to pull the cross out from beneath the fabric. lonnie’s hand moved from her arm down to her thigh and he squeezed gently this time. 

it made joyce’s stomach turn but she forced a smile onto her lips. “good job, babe,” his voice was soft now but the smug look on his face showed joyce more about him than she wanted to know. she turned her attention back to jonathan. her voice was shaky when she leaned over to whisper an ‘i love you’ into his hair that was getting too long and beginning to tickle the top of his ears. 

now joyce sat at lunch at the restaurant across the street. jonathan had finished eating and was curled up in his grandfather’s lap on joyce’s right. lonnie’s arm was resting on the back of her chair, his hand running up and down her back. joyce melted into his touch. sometimes, if she closed her eyes, she could pretend they were okay. 

she could pretend that lonnie didn’t come home smelling of perfume that didn’t belong to her and that when he touched her, he wasn’t staring at the stretch marks along her stomach and hips. she could pretend that the yelling was because he cared, not because he didn’t. she could pretend that the “i’m sorry i’m not your picture perfect husband, joyce” and “you don’t care about this family” were out of fear of losing her, not fear of losing control over her. 

pretending was what got joyce in trouble. she lost herself in her daydream and before she knew it, her father in law was pushing his chair back with a face flushed with anger. jonathan had reached too far across the table and the glass of whiskey his grandfather was enjoying had ended up all over him. “fucking little kid-” the curses had grown louder, attracting attention from the tables around them as joyce scrambled to find napkins on the table. 

“i’m sorry, frank, you know it was an accident-” joyce scrambled for an apology that would wipe the anger from the older man’s brow and replace it with understanding (she found herself doing that a lot for the byers men). “i don’t care, you shouldn’t let your son just do whatever he wants.” before joyce could stop him, lonnie had jonathan’s shoulder gripped tightly in his hand. jonathan’s cries grew louder and it took everything in joyce not to start crying with him.

“lonnie- fuck, lonnie, let me take care of him” she was tired of fighting for a spot at the table, a place to be respected at the same level as her husband. joyce’s felt a flush of anger burn the back of her neck and the tips of her ears. “talk to me like that again, joyce, and there won’t be a family for you to come home to” lonnie spat out, the disgust across his features stopping joyce in her tracks.

as quickly as the anger had shown across her skin, it was gone. the red was now controlled by embarrassment and shame. she felt every eye on her and could hear the whispers before they had the chance to start. conversations about her were nothing new. she was never a part of them, only in them. 

manicured hands covered mouths as they leaned over to converse in secret conversations but joyce knew what they were saying, she knew how they felt. the familiar disappointed whispers of her husband’s family were screams to her. they mocked her with taunts of “she’s having another episode, how embarrassing” or “i heard she isn’t even christian, her family raised her jewish” or “i hope lonnie takes that little boy and leaves her soon, she deserves to be alone”. 

joyce pulled jonathan into her arms, the wet fabric of his dress shirt pressed against her dress. another chore to add on to the list, another stain to wash from his clothes or the shirt would be tossed in the trash and then added to the list of things they needed to buy but couldn’t afford. his cries were now reduced to quiet sniffles and shuddering breaths. “it’s okay, baby, mommy’s got you. do you want to go home? we can get you into a bath” her promise of going home was all jonathan needed. his little nod against her shoulder was all she needed for an excuse to leave. 

conversations had resumed from the other tables but joyce couldn’t stop her hands from shaking. she met her husband’s eyes and raised her chin,“lonnie, jonathan and i will see you at home.” her voice lacked the confidence she ached to find but she turned on her heels before he could reach her, lower his voice to mumble another empty threat that would leave her anxiety on edge for weeks. 

as joyce pushed open the door to the restaurant, she was calmed by the sun on her skin. after she buckled jonathan into his car seat, she pulled a cigarette from the package and sunk into the driver seat. joyce flicked the lighter and lit the cigarette. she knew lonnie wouldn’t leave. they needed each other. in different ways but the need was still there. 

joyce lit another cigarette before turning the key. she was going home with her son and she was going to make dinner that would sit on three plates but only two would be eaten when the food was warm. joyce will wrap the third plate in foil and stick it in the microwave. she will tuck her son into bed alone and take her dress off. the necklace will sit on the untouched in her jewelry box for another week. 

lonnie will crawl into bed smelling of old perfume and have lingering lipstick marks along his neck, both of which that didn't belong to joyce. they will end the week with recycled apologies and recycled promises that didn't work the first time but joyce liked to believe, ached to believe, that the more they said it, the more truth would be behind them because he was her husband in “sickness and in health” and she was his wife “for better or for worse” until death do them part.

**Author's Note:**

> here is my (horrible and depressing) gift to liz for her birthday <3 liz, i love you so much and i hope you still love me just as much after i gave you angst as a birthday present. you are such a light & i appreciate everything you do. 
> 
> milfbyers on twitter and tumblr


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